-molliebear
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
have to work tomorrow. not looking forward to it. tired today. want to sleep. watching a movie, g2g, write more later. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Monday, May 28, 2007
today was okay, i got 3 credits w/o management crawling up my ass about it. i do better on my own then under pressure. work is more fun that way. i got my time and a half which also added to they YAYness of the day. yeah, so nothing else really happened today. goodnight! <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Saturday, May 26, 2007
so the past couple days were hell. work is getting to me, wearing me out. thank god for sundays off. i get paid time and a half for monday (memorial day). yay 12 dollars! well, im going, wish i could talk to dawnie-pooh-pooh-kiss-kiss or sam but i dun think it's gonna happen. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
i feel so tired. im off restriction (the kind where i have to go to bed at 9), so that's good. i got 3 credits at work, i was all proud of myself for that. my boss that never compliments/says anything positive told me i did a good job today and said she'd see me tomorrow have a nice night. i was like "wow" (thinking in my head,lol). It made me feel proud. Now I feel crappy because I'm broke and i asked off for July 3-7th in case i go to North Carolina to visit my uncle, aunt, and cousins. well, im going to go, i dunno what i wanna do the rest of the night. maybe i'll cook dinner or something. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Monday, May 21, 2007
today was kinda okay i guess. my ankle is acting up again. i feel scared and little inside right now. feeling a little numb, more like im on auto pilot. i want to cut (i will cut tonight). im seeing my mom tomorrow, i should look forward to that but all i can think about is seeing the red. im falling apart. i miss dawn and sam so much i could cry. i feel alone even though i have roomates and housemates and whatnot. im tired of the freaking curfew they've put on me (have to be in bed by 9). it ends on the 23rd but i feel like a kid that has to stand in the corner for being bad. i can't watch my favorite show (House) because it's on after nine. not much else to say, i want to cry and look forward to cutting. <3,
-Samantha (with mollie close)
-Samantha (with mollie close)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
having a hard time. one of our abusers died. it has us full of conflicting feelings. we feel sorry for him because his son has no dad now, he didn't hurt us as bad as daddy did anyways. wanting to cry and cut. fought that urge all of yesterday but gave in last night and cut on legs. wanting to cut on arms so badly. wanting to cut in the place we were hurt. dunno what to do. feeling very isolated, miss my mommy. missing "A" cuz she'd be good to talk to about some of this stuff. feeling really anxious and wanting to cry so bad. let the guard down but we can't. cant let anyone see us this weak. ugh, struggling so bad. we have aunt flo this week too and it doesn't help matters because red is triggering us for now. was getting *SO* triggered at work with all the little kids and stuff with their dads. really bummed me out. dunno what to do to feel better. i feel so shitty. hurting inside. <3,
-molliebear and all of us
-molliebear and all of us
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
my staff never cease to make me feel like lowly dog shit. thanks guys, i didn't feel shitty enough as it is. wait, i think you can make me feel bad enough that suicide looks like a good option. ugh. im so tired of living here. i want to cry and hide. i have no friends. im alone in this world. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
im constantly tired. i could sleep all the time. i have therapy in an hour and i just dont want to go. it sucks. i work tomorrow too and i dun wanna do that either. blah. im feeling very unmotivated. idon't know what my problem is. not much else to say, <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
So Blogger has gone nuts (everything is messed up looking). I'm at the library. Not much going on. I don't want to go to therapy today, i *REALLY* don't. i feel kinda crappy today and im not sure why. well, im off <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Monday, May 14, 2007
feeling anxious as usual. im not sure why. i feel paranoid about having money. i dont get a paycheck until this friday. im tired. might take a nap. feel kinda weak. need to re-paint my nails, they're dying over here. not much to say, <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Sunday, May 13, 2007
work has been a bitch lately. it makes me super tired. i didnt get a paycheck this week b/c i didn't work last week. i hate being broke!! i feel bad b/c my mom wanted to order crabs for mothers day (we're going to my grandma's) and they told her to call today to place an order but they didn't tell her they would sell out in like, 2 seconds. so she's bummed and i feel bad for her because she was all excited about it. feeling a little anxious and i dunno why, i took a klonopin, so it should start to work soon. I finally got to talk to my Dawnie-pooh-pooh-kiss-kiss! YAY. sam hasn't sent any more updates via e-mail but she's busy and whatnot. my roomate "D" got the one bedroom apartment (which i did and didn't want)- and i feel bad that i didn't get it even though i didn't want to have to move again. so a new girl is moving in to my apartment. she's nice and she says she likes to clean so im gonna let her do her thing,lol. i can't wait until June 5th!! we're going to hershey park. it'll be my last hershey park visit with TAY!! I don't know if I want to go to Ocean City with the day program, my legs are healed but they look butchered. im thinking i'll just wear shorts or something. i dunno. well, im off, i dun have anything else to say... <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Friday, May 11, 2007
feeling the need to punish self. i didnt get the one bedroom apartment, even though i didn't really half ways want it because i didnt want to move apartments again. i feel like im not good enough in terms of having a clean apartment, staying safe, getting up in the morning. i want to cut so much. im going to be alone in my apartment tonight because my roomate was the one who got the apartment. i like this in some aspects and not in others. if im alone i can cut and purge freely but if im alone i can cut and purge freely (make sense??). well, im off, my pizza is on the way. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Thursday, May 10, 2007
tireddddnesssssss. did my treadmill for 30. it's just 3 of us here. everyone is on the camping trip. i feel kinda weird, like im waiting for the crash. im so tired from work and it wasn't any better because i didn't get a paycheck (i didn't work last week). so im damn near broke. i only have 15 minutes before we have to go back to our apartments. i think ill have no trouble sleeping. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
quick post. work is draining me, i finally got a hold of sam kind of. ugh, i have to go, curfew shit. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
im starting to get a sore throat :( I IMed Dawn but she hasn't answered cuz she's all busy and whatnot. I'm getting a migraine as well. An end to a weird day. had a new girl visiting. she might move in, i dunno. if she chooses to move in then either me or my roomate will have to move to the single bedroom. i think she's gonna get it b/c she's been out of hospital longer than me. on another note: my new favorite food is nachos with cheese, refried beans, and sour cream. it is numlicious!! i miss my samula :( The other girl i've been talking to at night isn't on either. Is the whole world slowly abandoning me? I think so. Well, I'm off to eat more nachos because im that hungry. all i had to eat today was a banana, some diet coke plus, and some carrots (good ana day...)
<3,
-molliebear
<3,
-molliebear
Just a short update. I went back to work yesterday, it was kinda crazy. The scheduling was messed up because so many people have quit/got fired. They jumped right in on demanding credit, I didn't get any credit but I got an e-mail from a customer (which is still 50 extra cents on my paycheck). I got my silver name badge for working there a year, it was kinda cool to get when i came back from being away for 3 weeks. Some of the stuff has changed, some of the coding. Security is tighter (looking out for those crazy shoplifters). I got my paycheck for the one day i worked after i hurt my leg (it was still 50$). Feeling lonely as usual. I feel like Dawn and Sam don't exist anymore :/ I have made other friends but it doesn't make not talking to 'em feel any better. I know they are busy though, and if they had the chance they would talk to me. Sometimes I just wish I'd get a letter in the mail instead of a bill. time to go, the van leaves soon. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
have a stomach ache. all i ate was chicken noodle soup and some gatorade. ugh. considering going to bed now. im feeling lonely (what else is new?). i dont have any friends. when i leave this house ill be totally alone. i'll just be somebody that they used to know (listening to elliot smith.. is it evident?). trying hard not to self injure though it's probably going to be one of those nights. ive been having fantasies about strangling myself with a belt..i can avoid that tonight though. well, im going to bed. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
today feels like sunday to me because we had friday off. I can't wait to go back to work next week. Things have probably changed a great deal. We're watching the divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood. i want to take a nappppppp. ugh. we have to pick up trash today and i dun wanna. stupid volunteer activity. well, i gotta go, write more later. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Friday, May 04, 2007
watching fight club. we just ate a bunch of mexican food. A LOT. For "Cinco de mayo" (sp?). I'm tired now (carb crash!). I never had mexican food before. im so sleepy and it's only 7pm. my teeth are hurting- i have to get another root canal. Seven cavities and two root canals,geez. off. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
hey. didn't post the past couple of days. I feel really anxious right now and i dunno why. i ordered flowers for mothers day for my mom and grandma. I hope they like them. They ended up costing 60$. They were supposed to be cheap but the shipping and handling crap really screws you over. I wish I could talk to Sam or Dawn, it makes me feel less anxious when i talk to them, but they are busy with their lives. time to go, <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
"J" is being a bitch. i ask for help and she spits it back at me "I'm sure you are perfectly capable of doing that on your own.". It is so irritating. I wont ask anymore. I give up with her. I can't rely on her for anything. fuck this.
-molliebear
-molliebear
had a crappy therapy session. talked about food issues. i dont feel like eating ever again. i want to purge already and i ate a light yogurt and a bowl of 100 calorie soup. ugh. i hate being fat. i hate not having friends. i hate being alone. i keep fantasizing about hanging myself. i dont really plan on doing anything, they're just thoughts and crap floating through my head. im alone in this world and i need to realize that. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear