having a hard time. one of our abusers died. it has us full of conflicting feelings. we feel sorry for him because his son has no dad now, he didn't hurt us as bad as daddy did anyways. wanting to cry and cut. fought that urge all of yesterday but gave in last night and cut on legs. wanting to cut on arms so badly. wanting to cut in the place we were hurt. dunno what to do. feeling very isolated, miss my mommy. missing "A" cuz she'd be good to talk to about some of this stuff. feeling really anxious and wanting to cry so bad. let the guard down but we can't. cant let anyone see us this weak. ugh, struggling so bad. we have aunt flo this week too and it doesn't help matters because red is triggering us for now. was getting *SO* triggered at work with all the little kids and stuff with their dads. really bummed me out. dunno what to do to feel better. i feel so shitty. hurting inside. <3,



-molliebear and all of us