abandonment issues

im so tired right now, i don't know why. i hate when wounds heal- they itch like crazy. i miss dawn and sam. it's almost been 6 months since i've talked to samula. to make my weekend even better than the crap-ola it was, Melissa(my case worker) is leaving TAY, and guess what- so is Beth. And why am i not supposed to think that nobody wants to work here? i understand that way station doesn't pay jack shit but i wish people didn't come and go like that. I'm really going to miss her- she's the staff i feel most comfortable around and now she's going to leave me. they keep saying stupid shit like "Be happy for her, she's pursuing her goals" or other dumb things that don't make me feel better. the ED is acting up again because there's just too much stress. same with the self injury. on monday georgia is going to tell my crappy T i want put on the trauma specialist's list and to leave her. im scared she'll get mad or hurt me. i dont know why im scared of this so badly. plus i've just been so depressed, i sleep all the time, have little appetite (food looks gross) sometimes and then want to binge in the same day. i dont know what's wrong with me. people here think im a hypochondriac. i dont know if i am or not-lol. Oh yeah- my brother got caught drinking again, didn't show up for the little court hearing- now he has to go to "real" court. he's pretty much destroying his life- he's dropped out of high school at the age of 17- he only needed like, 1 more year!! agh. i won't ever understand that child. best i can do is try to be a good role model and hope he starts to behave. my mom can't control him at all and my dad is in fucking Italy so he can't knock some sense into James. Joe is starting to act like James too- hopefully if james goes to jail (im not looking forward to that if it does happen) he might stop acting so badly. i mean, joe and james grew up only knowing the high drugged up father- i had maybe a year or so when he wasn't passed out on the couch. time for me to go- <3,



-molliebear