Don't wanna hear the news
What's going on
What's coming through
I don't wanna know
Don't wanna know
Just wanna hide away
Make my my escape
I want the world
To leave me alone
Feels like I feel too much
I've seen too much
For a little while
I want to forget

I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be
Wanna be numb

Can't find no space to breathe
World's closing in
Right on me now
Well that's how it feels
That's how it feels
Too much light
There's too much sound
Wanna turn it off
Wanna shut it out
I need some relief
Think that like I think too much
I've seen too much
There is just too much
Thought in my head

I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be
Wanna be
Taken away from all the madness
Need to escape
Escape from the pain
I'm out on the edge
About to lose my mind
For a little while
For a little while
I wanna be numb

I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be
Wanna be numb
I just wanna be
Wanna be numb

feeling anxious and uncomfortable. i want to cry. i want my mommy.

So it's 4am and I can't sleep because i took a "nap" at 7 and didn't wake up until 1am. Kinda lonely here. Having impulses to self harm. Also having a feeling I need to go back to SP but I can't because I need to get out of TAY!! agh. it sucks. ive been having more graphic nightmares and been purging more but I don't think anyone knows (well, they know now). I hate being sucked into these things. I feel so fucking fat and disgusting. I've gained 20 pounds since the last time I saw my somatic doc. yuck. anyways, im going to try to read or something so I can get tired. No one is online right now of course, so it sucks. off. <3,





-molliebear

Molliebear is tired of being sick!!!!!!!!!! ugh. yuck.










-molliebear

So it's been a weird day. My doggie had to be put to sleep :'( so that was the sad part. i didn't get to say goodbye to him either, he was living at my mom's house. I told my mom that my real fiance is my roommate and not some fictional person i'd made up to lie to her. I didn't want her to disapprove of me being engaged to someone i live with. I really really miss Dawn and I dunno if Sam is still at SP. Anyways, I'm exhausted (work was a BITCH today, customer service for 3 HOURS >:X BLAH!). <3,






-molliebear

work was okay. registers went offline for a couple minutes (which equates to utter hell in retail) so we had to manually enter each and every price for each item. I only worked for four hours today but we were busy as hell and i almost had to cover jewelry (which i HATE). yeah, my SO is "away" and i miss her :'( blah. not much else to say. might go out with my mom tomorrow i hope. blah. off. <3,








-molliebear

Had my last two wisdom teeth taken out today. They gave me Percocet again. It doesn't hurt too bad, my jaw is sore though. I'm half way out of it. Been feeling really anxious and dunno why, I got my clozapine back today so maybe that will help (who knows). I love my girl, she was having a tough time today but she's doing better now. We're trying to make wedding plans,lol. Our song is "No Air" by Jordin Sparks. Time to sleep, <3,






-molliebear

having a hard time today. wanting to self injure so badly. i really want to OD, not the "kill yourself" kind, just the sleep for hours kind. i cant do that though. listening to music to try and ease the impulses. im tired of feeling so alone. i love my gf but i feel so dead inside i feel like i dont deserve her. i feel so crappy right now, ugh. i feel alone. i just want to sleep the rest of the evening. i am numb. i dunno what to do. im restricting which makes me feel better. i dunno what to do. off.






-molliebear

okay, so i just watched A&E's Intervention episode with Lawrence in it where he died. For some reason this sparked something inside and I can't stop crying. I know it can't be all for a man i never knew...

P.S.- my mouth fucking hurts!!!!!!!!! DAMN WISDOM TEETH being out. owwww :'(

had a dissociative day. i survived through yesterday, all be it by stuffing but whatev. I see Lew and my pdoc tomorrow. Things are looking up for the time being but I am just numb. i dunno what i feel. i feel like i have no friends, i know that much. i dont have much else to say. off.







-molliebear