ED rant

so today is ok so far. i was halfway asleep in therapy (my time was changed to 9am). I'm having issues w/ my ED- i can't b/p because my stomach is already fucked up enough that I have to see a GI doc. I hope he/she doesn't think that all my stomach/intestine problems are from ED. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I need my anti-depressant cuz im going crazy over here w/o it. Stupid fucking prior authorizations. If I didn't need the god damned medicine the doctor wouldn't have prescribed it assholes. I have absolutely no communication w/ parts, no part will tell me who did the self injury that landed us up with 57 stitches (which came out yesterday but the skin is sitll all raised and yucky). I'm tired of trying to explain why I want to be on the SP waiting list and no one gets it. "why can't you go to a local hospital?"- well, because the last fucking time i did (LAST WEEK) I didn't get jack shit out of the program and i only saw my psychiatrist once and got my paxil CR ONCE. What the hell kind of care is that?? I'm starving but I'm trying to restrict so I can start losing some of this weight. I wish I could just lose it from my stomach. Oh well, the treadmill will be my new best friend. so anyhow, I'm tired of the drama in the house, it's driving me nuts. I don't want to fight with "J" or try to stand up to him with "H". I just want to hide in my room until I can leave the program. They asked me if I wanted to go to the georgetown house when a bed opened up. Sure, why not. I think it's just a house not a program, I have to talk to staff more about it though. I feel like I've thrown everything away, it's an odd feeling. I'm not sure how to handle it. I work tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I hate that damned place. IT SUCKS. anyhow, it makes me money so whatever. I still owe Way Station 800$ and I am not doing so hot with paying them back. I feel like i've sold my soul to them or something. I really miss Sam and Dawn. They are both so busy with their lives right now. I could use a Dawnie-pooh-pooh-kiss-kiss vacation but she'd never be home so I'd end up just watching TV all day ;) I wish Sam could come down here and visit but she's got stuff of her own to do too. Well, I should go, this was a sufficient rant.


P.S.- I am losing my mind.

-molliebear