Not enough, it's not ever enough-save me from the nothing ive become

i feel so frustrated. i cant eat in the group room b/c D. left her damn milk cup in there and blamed it on me. fuck. they asked me to work tomorrow, which i don't necessarily mind, but i just feel so shitty. i want to cut *SO* much, VERY VERY VERY badly. the only good thing that happened today was that i got my optical card thingie so i can go to the eye doctor- Kohls gives optical to part time people, which is good. i want to go with my mom and not live here anymore. i feel like they're trying to make us miserable here instead of support us and help us. i feel so hopeless and bad. i just want to cut myself open and get the evil bad out. i want to cry, but nothing comes. i have nothing. i have no friends, i have no father, i have no life. i never go anywhere with anyone my age. everything i have is determined by 20-year old staff people who are trying to "help" me by giving me the tough love bullshit that does not work for me. i feel like they're just waiting for me to fuck up, waiting for me to miss one of the god damn rules, waiting for me to forget to do something. they pick apart everything i say,do, think, express. if i died it wouldn't matter. no one would care here. i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. i will always be a fat ugly fucking hog, i will never amount to anything. fuck this.