Monday, February 27, 2006

this is the story of a girl

So the CSA people didn't come last Thursday. Georgia is coming to inspect tomorrow. The good thing is that I might get my hair done tomorrow. That's all I can look forward to right now. I'm in a crappy lonely place even around people. I want to cut so badly- the hurt is swelling up inside and it has to be let out somehow. I was planning to go to Michaels and buy a xacto but I don't know how expensive they are. It could just be one of those fantasies about self injury that goes away with time (like when I wanted to cut my eyelids). There are some people here that are scaring me (i'm at the library). There's a new guy visiting today, I don't really have any opinion or sense of what he's about yet. A girl is coming to visit tomorrow, hopefully she'll be more like A and me then like J. Must go, should be reading but of course I'm going to check my e-mail.

Friday, February 24, 2006

P.S.- I hate therapy!! I hate going twice a week...

sweet mother mary and all her cousins!

I'm super tired right now(as always). I haven't talked to Dawn or Sam in a week or so. I hope they are both doing okay. It's friday,YAY! The CSA people called out sick so we have to keep our apartments spotless until next week. Irritating set back, but oh well. I can't seem to get online at home because my brothers are constantly on the web. It irritates me because I deserve time on too. Off I go, <3,




-molliebear

Monday, February 20, 2006

I'm really tired for some reason tonight. I turned in all my applications (8) and got 2 more and did one on the computer. I tried to do the CVS one (which the girl said was online) but there isn't any spot to fill out an application. It's hard to get on when my brothers are constantly online and I have to use Juno. The doctor said I have tendonitis in my thumb which is why it goes from hurting to being numb to being tingley. Off I go, must shower and hope that tomorrow doesn't come so soon.<3,




mollie

Friday, February 17, 2006

correction

They fixed my food stamp stuff by giving me the vouchers. I'm still pissed that I had to use my own money for some stuff. I slept for most of the day here at the club. I'm gonna get all hell about it probably. I just can't stay awake for some reason, they're decreasing my meds too, so that should help not make things worse. I'm still hunting for a job, so far no success. I didn't realize how good Target was until I didn't work there anymore. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess. I feel jealous of a friend who is IP, I guess jealous because I can't get the same kind of help that she's getting because of my insurance. I can't go out of state to receive medical care- so going to the really good trauma program she's at is out of the question (i wouldn't go when she was there unless I needed to) It sucks, I couldn't go to PIW because it's in D.C. and it's not even really a different state..... I should really get a full time job so I can have some sort of extra insurance to help cover all this crap. Don't get me wrong, I think my insurance is awesome with having no co-pays and covering so many meds., i just wish it would cover out of state care. I need to talk to Sam and make sure she's still around. She's probably just really busy or lost my number or something. D is still IP, and I miss her soooooooo much (luv ur guts!). I have a song stuck in my head- it's the "God Bless The American Housewives". It's such a cool song and I don't really like country that much. The van was acting up yesterday, something happened to the fan that heats/cools the back of the van so everyone is comfortable. It was making a sound and when Beth turned it on high it started to make a burning smell- not good. And this is after we had to check to see if we had a flat tire because we hopped a curb. It was very eventful. I'm so glad it's friday, it's my favorite day of the week except that I have therapy :/ I'm probably going to miss the Y, which sucks b/c I need to lose weight REALLY badly. Well, I must go, lunch is going to be served in a couple minutes. <3,



-molliebear

P.S.- Trying to cancel an AOL account is like getting teeth pulled, or something else uncomfortable.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My food stamps are fucked up. I only got 11$ because they thought I was still working at Target. I have to decide what to get for 5$(I spent 6$ before I noticed that there was not 149$ on the card) I'm thinking Jelly. I can make PBJ or PB and marshmallow puff.... I have to wait for freaking target to confirm that I don't work there anymore. They piss me off- apparently Way Station has contacted them twice about this and they haven't responded- they want to give me vouchers but the woman who does the vouchers wasn't there when I checked. It pisses me off that I have to even deal with this. I wondered what the hell was up when I had 4$ on my card on the ninth. Oh well, hopefully this will all get cleared up and all my money will be back on my card and I can get real food. I went to the YMCA today, walked the track and got in the whirlpool (very embarrassing- we accidently locked the locker instead of leaving it open a bit and had to wait in the hallway while one of our staff got the locker keys- we were in towels and bathing suits in the middle of the hallway). No one mentioned that I looked pregnant today, so that was good- hehe. I still feel sick- sinus crap and bronchitis cough nonsense. I'm done my antibiotics though. I feel bad because I feel like I wasted my mom's money. She gave me 50 and I only have like 30 left. I got Subway today and had to buy a ace wrap and motrin yesterday. I want to sleep. It's that kind of day. I have to do the blood draw thing tomorrow- i hate it!!!!! Oh well, at least I don't have to be in the thrift shop for that time. I didn't have to go to the TS because I had an appointment Monday and Tuesday is my group day and then tomorrow it takes forever to get my blood drawn. Well,I'm off to Blockbuster.

Monday, February 13, 2006

This better go through...

I've had trouble getting posts to go through on here lately.I had a pretty good day. I got to be with my mom, got my meds changed more comfortable, got to see my grandmother, got some books that were my aunt's-I miss her :( I have this weird pain in my hand- it feels like it got pulled when moving my thumb to the top of my hand- sometimes it feels numb and tingley but mostly it just feels painful. I don't want to go to the doctor (I might not have to yet) though because I don't want to seem whiny and go to urgent care for a pulled muscle or whatever it is. I tried a hot compress but it didn't do much- i haven't done a cold one yet. It's weird, because as I'm typing my thumb doesn't hurt but when I stop it does. I'm excited about coming off of the nortriptyline because it makes me feel foggy and stupid (to be blunt.).

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

really anxious, sick from J or D. It's turning into freaking bronchitis. I hate being sick (mostly b/c I don't wanna make other people sick) and I don't like having to take extra medicine. I'm so tired and I have nothing good to eat. My foodstamp card says I have 1.87 on it. I don't get more on it until the 9th i think. It sucks. I want my mommy :( a new girl moved here today. She's very nice and is a great addition to the house. Off to drink tea and lay on the couch. <3,




-molliebear

infectious spores!

J got me sick :/ sore throat, losing my voice, yuckyness. Sam has probably fallen off the planet or is in the witness protection agency. Dawn hasn't called but I'm sure there is a valid reason why. I want to go and get in my nice warm bed and just sleep. Not much else to say, a bunch of cats that were mine at the old farm were sent away or mysteriously disappeared. It makes me sad. I wanted them to have good homes and i think that most of them will, but some of them are still roaming around on the old property. Too tired... <3,



-molliebear

Thursday, February 02, 2006

and it goes on and on and on and on and on.........................

So I haven't heard from Sam or Dawn and I'm worried. About both of them. I'm back into that weird night time thing where i get really anxious when it gets dark. I feel less anxious when I talk to them. I get *really* anxious when I think about going to bed. I feel alone. I miss having friends. Lately I feel like I'm the only person on earth. I feel alone when I'm with people. All I have is my music and books and my laptop. I feel lonely enough to cry. It's pretty pitiful. I live with two roomates and I'm lonely. Okay, I think i've stressed how lonely i am adequately. I did nothing meaningful today, didn't really speak to anyone about anything really purposeful. My hope is just not to get strep throat from J :P that would SUCK. I don't wanna be sick, I don't think I could handle it on top of all the stress about inspections and a new person moving in and all that crap. I just feel extra anxious right now but i can get a klonopin when i get my night meds. hopefully that will get it more manageable. I LOVE DAWN AND SAM!!!


<3,
-molliebear



-P.S.- I'm not getting 400$ in tax returns, I'm getting more like 50$, Tomika was confused :/
So the new girl is visiting today too. She's really nice. I'm fighting so hard to stay awake during the club hours and take a nap when i get home. I was on the brink of getting in trouble for sleeping here and not telling the thrift shop manager I had a Dr. Appt. I'm worried about inspections- I'm scared I'll get in trouble. Gotta go...more later maybe.




<3,
molliebear

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

We had a new girl interview here (well, had a visit) and she seems very nice. I think she would be a nice addition to our house. I feel bad for M because he's the only guy here at the moment. I feel sick because I ate like, 20 candies on a mini-binge but im trying to forget about it by drinking diet soda (don't ask me about how that makes any sense at all) I have pink hair :) I got compliments on it and I like how it turned out. J isn't doing anything productive, not that it's any of my business but it annoys me. Well, not much else to say, my brother's b-day is on the 3rd. I think he'll be 13 or 14.



P.S.- I might be getting 400$ in tax returns :D that made my day.

P.S.S.- my hair is a bit crunchy... in a bad way?...yuck