it's really not so bad you know, once you get past the taste...

My roomates are being weird. I think they are crazy. They're all "hey beautiful". I am not beautiful, I am a fat gelatenous tub of lard. JC is really bothering right now, she's having trouble with boundries and i have to keep saying no and moving away. It's really uncomfortable. To be online I have to be downstairs though. I'm fighting the urge to purge- i brushed my teeth for like, ten minutes. I think I'll be okay. I wish Dawn would come back, talking to her and talking to Jen through my journal makes me happy :) Okay, now DH is saying "She wants to go out with you, she wants to go out with you!" (JC with me- and that's a HELL no!) Ugh. The only reason I'm really online and not reading in my room is the hope that Dawn will come back and I can talk to her. Listening to NIN...lalalala. I hate my ED, it makes every day and every moment that has anything to do with food difficult. I think I'm getting cellulite on my face... i can see it forming on my thighs. it makes me sick...literally. I've been pretty good with not purging, but after i binge i still feel like a piece of shit and cutting or purging is the only thing that really makes that feel better. Trying to focus on the positive- when I get money from working I'm going to get a tattoo of a pink star with a black outline on my shoulderblade. I'm still toying with the idea of course because my mom and grandma don't want their little girl getting pierced or tattooed at all- it was hard enough to get my third hole in my ears and my cartilage done (though the left one is the only one that's still open, which is kind of a waste) I want to get my ears done more but I'm a wuss and im afraid it will hurt or make more scar tissue like the cartilage did. I still have a little lump on the back of my right ear that's scar tissue- i tried to re-pierce it but damn it hurt like hell. I figure I'll get it fixed after I get my tattoo. I'm also not so sure about the tattoo now that i think about it- I dunno if i want a blue border or a black one?...hmmm. Well, I'm done babbling. <3,



-molliebear