2 wisdom teeth out, one to go! It really wasn't as bad as I though it'd be and my case was "complicated" because my root was crooked and some other reason. My left side is oozing still though (yuck!). I'm doing pretty good, utilizing the Percocet but I'm going to try the Ibuprofen more often then the percocet. my jaw hurts mostly because of the TMJ and cuz they were rough trying to pull those suckers out. so i think i'll just crash and sleep now cuz it hurts. I miss Dawn and Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



<3,


-molliebear

So one of my housemates moved out today. It's kinda cool, it gives me hope that i'll get the hell out of here. My ankle is acting up on me again and it hurts like a bitch right now. I miss Dawn and Sam. I feel like I need SP again but i can't go. I have a lot of self harm thoughts and impulses raging through my head. One person that I thought was a friend turned out not to be (I think I already mentioned this). Well, I have to go, gotta sleep so I can work tomorrow (hurrah...not). Our house is going crazy!! First with the pipe leak, now the smoke detectors are fucked up and going off. g2g, off.






-molliebear

having a hard time. want to cut so badly but i cant. having trouble eating lately. i feel like a waste of space and time. i am alone.

why does life have to hurt so much? i cant stand being fat anymore. i cant stand my life. i hate it. i want to be like all the other girls. i want to be skinny and happy. i want success. i dunno what to do.

I'm having such a crappy time. My ex-housemate is angry with me. She said some really hurtful things and I don't understand why she hates me so much. It's really upseting me and I want to be friends with her but i dont think she'll agree. I don't get how one person can be so hateful towards me :( Anyways, my staff is doing an inspection list so i have to clean. <3,





- a very depressed molliebear

I have a g/f in the group home I live in and im not allowed to really. Well, I mentioned it to a person who used to be in the program and she was pissed because she wanted to date me back then (before my current g/f moved in) but I said no because I didn't want anything physical and that's what she wanted. I feel so upset I want to cut. She must not care anymore. I hate this. She is angry and threatening to tell staff but I told them first, but the thing is, we don't have a physical relationship at all (me and my current g/f). God I hate this, I feel like cutting because I'm just a big fuck up. I thought she was my friend- apparently not. The urge to SI is so strong. I feel like a fuck up and like in the end no one will be/stay with me. My abusers were right. i cant stand this.


(((hugs))),(molliebear)
"She takes the pills to fall asleep,And dream that she's invisible,Tormented dreams she stays awake,Recalls when she was capable"

having a shitty night. I fucking hate Easter. dad's b-day is coming up too... i want to cut so badly but i know i can't. im trying to think of places to hide it. i should be happy. i have a wonderful girlfriend, an okay job, a nice building/area to live..and im still fucking depressed. i hate me. I'm such a fuck up. off.





-molliebear

P.S.- Did I mention they denied me meds because it was "too late"?...

you piss me off, fucking jerk.

I feel so fucking pissed right now. My group home decided we needed to go to the stupid fucking library to "get out of the house". We're going here again TOMORROW. WTF??This only pisses me off so much because I was sleeping (yes, I know it's past noon) because I'm on an antibiotic that I have to take every 6 hours which makes me have to get up at 6 AM. So when I get up I'm exhausted unless I sleep in some. Plus sunday is my day off and why can't it be *my* day to rest?? I hate this bullshit rule about productivity. In the real world you don't have to be productive every second of every fucking day. I hate this stupid fucking bullshit group home and I want out. I can't "graduate" for a long time because of my issues with safety. I guess I'm having some sort of emotional flashback cuz it's just the fucking library but I think it's about control. I want to slash my arms to pieces over this stupid event. I feel really angry at my staff too, because she is the one who made us *all* go when 3 of my housemates were going to go alone. They never put themselves in our shoes, think of how it would feel to be us. Now I want to cry. I want out so badly. I want my own apartment where I don't have to do all this organized childish crap. I hate it. She called my apartment (after I had 3 people interupt my sleep already by calling) and asks what I'm doing, I tell her I'm napping. She says "why? You slept until noon" I tell her im tired. So she asks what I'm going to do today (productivity wise) and I explain I'm going to read and do some journal work. So of course she finds a way to say I can do those things at the library. Ugh. I think the reason I'm so pissed is because I feel like I have no control in this house. I feel like my personal opinion is worthless and void and that it doesn't matter worth a shit. I just don't even know how to describe how I feel. I either want to cry, cut, b/p or just scream my lungs out. I don't know what to do to ease these feelings. I don't like being told what to do, I'm an adult for christ's sake. This house makes me feel like a child again. Being told what to do and when or else. Well, I'm off to do something so I don't freak out at the damn library. <3,


-molliebear

So today I had a totally crappy day at work, ended up crying about it. I broke my headphones. It was pretty crappy. I was so sure I would end up cutting when my boss was bitching at me but i've made it through the night without it and the impulse has faded. Still there, but faded. okay, so i have a girlfriend but im not going to announce her name on my blog :D

feeling disgusting. just had a huge binge. yucky. im really tired for some reason, i guess the food. i hate myself, i feel like a fucking whale. i miss dawn and sam. blah. off. <3,






-molliebear

So I got a call at 8:30 this morning telling me the oral surgeon had to do emergency surgery and I'd need to reschedule my wisdom teeth out. I have to wait until March 25th :/ it sucks. I get to see my mom on friday though, which is good. anyways, im really tired, goodnight


-molliebear

i hate bulimia

so tired and sore from b/p. i haven't cut though, if that makes it count any.. i feel crappy. i want to cry but i cant. the tears dont come. i hate my life. i feel like i have no friends. i want this to end. this pain to go away. these impulses... off. <3,







-molliebear