having a really hard time. i want to SI but i can't. my t is going to make the decision about whether to keep seeing me or not on thursday. i have no friends. i work all the time. im so damn tired of cinda bitching about credit. rhonda is my fav. boss, she's sweet and caring while getting the job done. <3,








-molliebear

feeling better. went to Panera bread w/ mom and to Target. I feel lost. I finally busted down and cried today. i didn't go get stitches, i dont want to go IP, f- that. exhausted, time to sleep. <3,








-molliebear

so im doing crappy. our inspections are tomorrow so hopefully all this anxiety and cleaning will be over. I'm exhausted. i feel like i dont have any friends. <3,








-molliebear

it's pitiful when you're too sleepy to self harm. i hate myself. <3,

so im doing crappy. our inspections are tomorrow so hopefully all this anxiety and cleaning will be over. I'm exhausted. i feel like i dont have any friends. <3,








-molliebear

so I used one of my unhealthy coping mechanisms today. it's your guess which one. im exhausted, i worked 9 hours today and i have to work tomorrow as well. not much else to say, i feel much better. i have therapy tomorrow and i dunno what he wants from me. off <3,





-molliebear

i feel like shit. all i do is hurt the people around me. i want to cut so badly but i cant deal with the aftermath. I'm tired of hurting inside. I feel like a fuck up all the time. I feel like a fucking idiot, im so damn slow. i hate my life. this sucks. off to take a shower. <3,






-molliebear

exhausted. i dunno if my last post went through, i got an error message. I feel like all i do is eat,sleep,clean,and work. so tired, will try to write tomorrow <3,







-molliebear

Doing okay. Inspections coming up, we've been cleaning a lot. I'm feeling anxious right now and I'm not sure why. I haven't talked to Dawn or Sam in a while and I miss them. I know everyone has busy lives but I feel so alone. Work has been tiring, making lots of mistakes apparently. I feel crappy about that, I have a constant fear they are going to fire me. We're going to Walmart today so we can buy a microwave since ours busted. Well, I'm going to go, I don't have anything significant to say, I feel numb. <3,




-molliebear

So I'm on my day pass with my mom. I got my stitches out today. I got a hair cut too and it's cute (i think so) with sideways bangs. I want to go to the movie theater and see Juno but I dun think my mom will do it. Anyways, I have to go, I'm probably just going home or something. <3,





-molliebear

I almost died today- I was a foot away from getting hit by a car. I feel completely disgusting, i am so fat i am fighting so hard not to purge. I miss Dawn, I miss Samula, i miss having friends :( I work tomorrow and I really don't want to. I'm exhausted physically but my mind is going fast. I want to cut deep again but i don't want to go IP at all. My therapist is going to be mad at me for not doing internal meetings everyday. I did part of one today. I kinda just checked in. I'm having lots of SU thoughts, not sure where they came from. I miss my mom even though she was a bitch on the phone the other day (she later apologized). I feel cruddy and I want out of TAY. I feel like my other two roomates are more bonded together now and I feel like three's a crowd. well, im off to sleep hopefully, <3,


-molliebear

im having a hard night. i binged (i dunno if my roomates noticed), i *really* *really* want to purge(i can't, they are watching for that behavior). I feel so damn full it's disgusting. I hate it. I also really want to cut. i hurt inside and i dunno why. this SUCKS. my only escape from food is sleep. off.





-molliebear