Okay, so I just got out of therapy a bit ago. My therapist actually said "I'm not going to treat somebody who's going to die", i.e if I cut like that again he won't see me anymore. It was a real wake up call.. I didn't think he would say that. It also put things into perspective, if I don't stop I could accidently press too hard and sever an artery or something and die. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop. Also, I have to have written internal meetings *every day* and I have to show them to my t. My hand is hurting me right now, i think i slept on it. I'm not sure how I even really feel right now, some shock mixed with the fact of reality. I do not want my friends/family watch me slowly die (from SI and bulimia). I want to live, I do, it's just things get so damn hard and self harm has been my best friend since I was 6. It's like trying to completely ignore a good friend you've had, even if they brought out the worst in you. I'm scared to search my room for sharps so other parts can't self harm, but I feel like they'll just find new ones anyway. I need to communicate with them, and hopefully they can come to an agreement to stay safe. <3,


-molliebear