P.S.- Thank you bulimia for totally ruining one of the more front teeth. I was just hoping it would grind in half while i slept and i would wake up with pieces of tooth floating in my mouth >:X yeah, fucking great.

Hospital

I'm going IP today to Sheppard Pratt's Trauma D/O unit. I dunno how long i'll be there. Hopefully I'll finally get the help I need. <3,








-molliebear

im miserable. I b/p today. Now my stomach is rumbling. Yuck. I need to drop at least 30 pounds. i am so fat and ugly. it's disgusting. fucking disgusting pig.

having a weird day. pretty boring around here. another person moving in. having urges to self harm, extreme urges. the kind where i want stitches. blah. i feel fat today too, trying to restrict. off.<3,







-molliebear

I'm at my mom's house right now. I'm super bored and no one is online right now. BLAHHHHHH. I don't think they have any music downloading software either. Anyhow I'm not excited about being at work tomorrow at 7am. I hope I can get a lot of hours in though and get a bigger paycheck. Well, I'm off to find other things to amuse me. <3,





-molliebear

Okay day. I'm scared of stupid Black Friday. I have to be in at 7am now. blah. off to sleep. <3,





-molliebear

P.S.- Superchick's new CD comes out today :D

So another boring day. I'm still waiting to go IP, I'm hoping it will be after Thanksgiving. That's all I ask. I can't break my grandma's heart by missing Thanksgiving (it would only be my mom and her then). I'm feeling really anxious and I just want to sleep. we're going to the grocery store tonight and I really don't want to go (I *hate* the grocery store). okay, so I just dissociated for like, 5 minutes there. Nothing much to say, I miss Dawnie-pooh-pooh-kiss-kiss and Samula. I'm off. <3,




-molliebear

haven't posted in a while. things are crappy tonight. I have major self harm impulses and Samula isn't answering my e-mails so I assume she's IP. I'm still waiting but I hope it's after Thanksgiving because if i go before that it would break my grandma's heart to have it alone with my mom and none of her grandkids. I keep yawning, AH! I wish I had friends. I wish I could get out of this freaking house for a while but I can't until I work tomorrow which is going to SUCK royally with all the holiday bullshit. anyways,I have to go. <3,







-molliebear

so the waiting list for SP is 1-3 weeks long. I just hope i'm not in there for Thanksgiving. I feel sort of lost right now. I'm anxious. That is what im feeling, anxious. I want help so badly. It's all i can take not to purge after every binge i've had. it sucks. anyways, i must go. <3,








-molliebear

so I'm super bored at the library. I am officially on the waiting list for SP. My t and I filled out the necessary papers today. I miss Sam and Dawn. Dawn is so busy with work and school i don't get to talk to her much anymore. I dunno where Samula is, but i miss her :( Not much to say, as stated earlier it is BORING here and my house is coming here later today. so yeah, that's it. <3,





-molliebear

p.s.- Croc's suck in the rain.

boring sunday. i really have the urge to self harm and i don't know why. my computer is breaking here. i feel so damn lonely. it's a depressing day, cloudy and it might be raining, i dunno. i feel hollow inside.. <3,









-molliebear

I'm at my mom's house. I did the "small bowel series" today. It was nasty, I had to drink this disgusting Barium crap and everything was fine. So now im just crazy i guess until i turn in my stool samples (isn't it lovely??). All they said from the endoscopy was that my stomach was enflamed. I have to work tomorrow which sucks. It isn't a bad shift though, 11-6:15 (why that 15 minutes is there is a mystery to me). Anyways, things are okay, even though I had to get up at 7 this morning. Barium is alledgedly constipating (oh joy,) so THAT should be fun. As if i didn't have enough GI distress as it is. anyways, we're off to do whatever. <3,





=an overly sharing molliebear

update on procedure

The procedure went well (as in, really well). They numbed the back of my throat, they had me completely out and the only side effect was the drowsiness from the sedation. They took a sample of my stomach too. They said my stomach was enflamed and they are trying to find out why. I have to drink the Barium stuff and get my small intestines looked at sometime soon. The only pain is I have to re-do my specimen (stool) samples which sucks. The nurse that put my IV in and whatnot turned out to be my old high school nurse, so I felt more comfortable. My therapist is calling at noon today to put me on the sheppard pratt waiting list (yay). I know it will be a long wait but it is worth it. I am having an okay day, therapy was average. Only one part is talking at this point but I figure that's some progress. Today is grocery shopping day (which i hate!!) and I don't have much $$ to get stuff. Tomorrow I go back to work and I don't want to but at least they gave me a decent shift (11-6). I keep having these dreams that I get things I want (material things) and then I wake up and am disappointed. It's kind of weird. I hope to get a car sometime soon but I think it just worries my mom too much. She is in the middle of looking for a job. I am still pissed that my dad got married in August and didn't tell anyone (not that I wanted to go of course!). He is such a liar and he's deceiving. It makes me mad because he didn't tell my mom. Anyways, that's my update, I'll write more later.


(((hugs))),(molliebear)
"She takes the pills to fall asleep,And dream that she's invisible,Tormented dreams she stays awake,Recalls when she was capable"

having ED issues tonight. i dunno why, all i ate was a salad and a light n' fit yogurt. I have to do my goals and fill my med box today. I hate doing goals, i never think of anything i'd actually want to do. Plus Tracy doesn't make it easy, she pushes too hard. I want to go to sleep so much. ugh. I miss talking to Dawn and Sam. My best friends are so busy. it's a lonely kind of time. off to fill, write more later.<3,







-molliebear

work tomorrow at 8am. I am going to die!! Agh. Feeling a little better, time to sleep so i can get up at the crack of dawn. <3,









-molliebear

Saw the gastro doc today. He gave me a bunch of stool tests (ew)to complete and turn into the lab all the way up in Carroll county. I'm already fucking them up. blah. i miss my friends. off <3,







-molliebear