50 YEARS
Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn:1. The badness of a movie is directly proportionalto the number of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you aclear and compelling reason why we observedaylight-saving time.
3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
4. The most powerful force in the universe is:gossip.
5. The one thing that unites all human beings,regardless of age, gender, religion, economicstatus or ethnic background, is that, deep downinside, we ALL believe that we are above-averagedrivers.
6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and"mental illness."
8. People who want to share their religious viewswith you almost never want you to share yourswith them.
9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reasonwhy the human race has not achieved, and neverwill achieve, its full potential, that word wouldbe "meetings."
10. The main accomplishment of almost all organizedprotests is to annoy people who are not in them.
11. If there really is a God who created the entireuniverse with all of its glories, and he decidesto deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT useas his messenger a person on cable TV with a badhairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to thewaiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a wayto take it too seriously.
15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there isalways one individual who perceives a solution andis willing to take command. Very often, thatindividual is crazy.
16. Your true friends love you, anyway.
17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get upand dance.