i think im dumb

I feel like shit. i feel like the stupidest person on earth. my new problem about going IP is that I don't want to sit in the ER for hours at a time. if they could direct admit me to SP I'd go after next monday. im staying for silly reasons, like halloween parties and such. i dont want to let anyone down. i dont want to break down and admit that yes, i am hurting so much that i have hurt myself every night for the past two weeks. i have run out of skin to injure. im trying to be optimistic about things, keep a positive attitude, whatever needs to be done to keep me going. im trying to do things i like/used to like doing at some point. D.B. wants to move out. Hell, everyone wants to move out. It just doesn't work all of a sudden to try and leave. You need to be ready to leave. But whatever. Try it if you think it'll work. I know i need to be here or at least somewhere protective. im just tired... tired of life. tired of coping alone. i demand that dawnie-pooh-pooh-kiss-kiss and Samula need to contact me :) oh yes, watching family guy...

"And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?'"