ARGH! everything is F.I.N.E!

my t has not called me since Thursday. I have left 3 messages asking her to call me back and gave her the phone number to reach me at everytime. She was supposed to put me on the waiting list for SP's trauma unit and I said I wouldn't want to go until after Monday. I dunno if I got a crappy t or if she's just really overwhelmed or what? It kinda hurts me because I feel like she doesn't want to call me back or thinks im like, stalking her. I just want to know if I'm on the list or not so I know if I have to pack! On a positive note one of my housemates went walking with me (2 miles) and then we did 10 min. of cycling at the YMCA and 50 minutes of walking the track. I got confused and thought I had a party to go to tonight and was all happy and excited. I'm such an idiot. I feel like shit. I wouldn't mind if they came to get me after Monday. I'm tired. I've used all my coping skills and look where it's gotten me. NO WHERE. And this new t will never be as good as the old one. It's friday night and I'm at home. I have no friends. And no matter how much i exercise my stomach will always be fat. My somatic doc. told me that if i had the urge to cut i should play video games or eat a twizzler- i've had half the bag of twizzlers and haven't played any video games. I want to cut, I feel like I deserve it. Deserve the priviledge to do so because I was "good" all day. And it's only 7 and i've already started my binge..the question is- where is the stopping point? what if I just eat until i get sick? what if I eat until all the food just gets sent outta my stomach? would i feel better? probably a little- and if i cut- even better. Frederick says "FUCK THE STUPID BITCH SHE ISNT HERE TO HELP !". Damn straight.