So I've given up on FMH for basically any care unless I'm bleeding from my eyeballs or unconcious for more than 3 minutes. They suck, I hate them, whatever. I have a nodule in my right lung and that scares me though they reassure it's "fine" and have to re- x-ray in 3 months to make sure it doesn't grow or mutate or turn into something bad. I'm having an okay day, I miss dawn a lot and sam. I feel kinda hurt that they might have moved on from me. I feel lonely. I met a guy that I like a lot(friends) but he's still IP. I wish I could be working now, that Kohls hadn't decided to fire me due to my "excessive medical abscences". Hopefully I can get re-hired soon. My medical crap is just this big fog that hangs over me, I physically can't work right now and it's pissing me off. I have physical therapy tomorrow and today my fibromyalgia is REALLY pissing me off because it's bad. Well, gotta go, <3,



-molliebear

life's a bitch and then you die

So my life pretty much sucks. My kind, understanding [of mental illness] doctor wants me to see a university doctor because I'm too "complicated" with all my meds. I feel like every problem I have should be minimized or ignored because everyone in the entire world has to say "you're on so many medications" and then follow that by saying "you're so young to be on so many meds". I feel like wearing a shirt that says "Fuck it, I'll take NO meds and THEN you will see how I really am". Yes, we need bipolar people to stop taking their meds,people with PTSD and DID to get no relief from anxiety and of course god forbid I be able to pee or eat without pain or difficulty, oh yes, and we can't forget that I deserve to feel the pain of my fibromyalgia and I shouldn't be able to breathe despite my raging asthma. YES, THEN i would be perfect. then i would need no meds! my good doctor is leaving me, my therapist could give a shit less about me, i lost my job because of my mental illness needing care and I have a psychiatrist with the IQ of frozen yogurt (actually I won't 'diss frozen yogurt like that, it does have an IQ of 2). I have a broken family and a butchered past. Life is just dandy. I feel like giving up this bullshit. Maybe I'll just move to the inner city or something where they'll be glad I'm not high or drunk and in the streets or driving. Fuck this I'm sick of it.


-molliebear (who wants to cease to exist and is pissed off but as usual, will do absolutely nothing about it.)