im feeling really sad tonight. i want to cry. i was to cut my arms to shreads.. i still have a tool. i feel so much emptiness inside. i want this pain to stop so badly. i dont want to go to the hospital. im not going to commit suicide. i just want a break from the pain. a little vacation or something. i feel overwhelmed. i'll probably end up cutting tonight but i dunno how to hide it.. they'll figure out eventually. i miss my mom. but im scared of her at the same time. when she's mad i get scared- child parts freak out. i have therapy tomorrow and im scared if i cut that somehow he'll psychicly know i did it. i want to do big ones, ones that should have stitches... i just can't hide that. i cant have any more scars on my arms- i dunno what line of work i want to go into but i can't wear long sleeves for the rest of my life. i wish i could cry. i want a hug. i need help.