Wednesday, August 29, 2007

i feel like crap. i miss dawn. i feel like crying. i want to sleep. i want to cut. i want to purge. what is wrong with me?...










-molliebear

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

so im pissed at my staff. she wont give me benadryl to help me sleep. she would have given it to me if i told her it was for allergies. i hate this shit. i haven't been able to sleep well since i got out of the hospital. nothing non-medicinal helps. it's pissing me off. i wish they would just give me a freaking break here. ugh. im so angry, she just won't do it b/c she's PMSing and feeling bitchy. grrrrr. maybe i should fucking bang my head against the wall until i pass out, would that please her? i can't win here, i can't win...




XxmolliebearxX
So I'm at the library. Not much going on. Having trouble concentrating on reading for some reason. I see my new male therapist today and im anxious about that. part of me feels like it'll be okay. I haven't talked to Dawn in like, 3 days, I dunno where she is. I miss her mucho! Anyways, I'm going to write some e-mails. <3,





-molliebear

Sunday, August 26, 2007

still anxious. dunno what's wrong with me.... i dont know what i need to feel better. i wish dawn was here. or rose. right now i'll take everyone i can get. off to try to distract myself. <3,






-a very anxious molliebear
so im having a lot of anxiety. i dunno what to do with it.. i don't want to self injure (which is what i usually do when im this anxious). I dont want to binge and purge. I'm trying to figure out what to do. i want to talk to dawn but she's away... <3,









-molliebear

Friday, August 24, 2007

So I'm feeling a little better today. I have an appointment w/ my somatic doc tomorrow morning so i can figure out what to do about my gallstone stuff. i feel lonely tonight though, im not sure why, im in the community room surrounded by people. I hope DDR makes me feel better. off, <3,









-molliebear

Thursday, August 23, 2007

im freaking out. i want to purge, i want to restrict. and i cant do these things because of my god damn gallstone shit. im regressing ED wise. People say "you can't have an ED, you're too fat". i am fat i know. im working on it, please leave me alone i hate myself too, don't worry about it. and no, im not due, i havent had a baby, i have no kids. NOTHING. i hate myself and want to be somewhere else, some limbo between dead and alive. XxmolliebearxX
So on LJ there is this thing for writers block and the question was : If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why? I think I would be my dad. I would torture his body with self injury all over. And it wouldn't be *helpful* SI, it would be painful. I would shave his head, I would eat anything I could to get the acid reflux going, I would take 8 boxes of Viagra and leave him with an 8 hour painful erection. Yeah. I'm sick and twisted, but the things i've written here aren't half as bad as what he actually did to me. anyways, it was interesting to think about. i always hope he's feeling crappy or having a bad day or that no woman in her right mind would ever be with him. off i go as soon as i came, <3,




-molliebear the sick and twisted girl
So, I'm back from IP. My insurance SUCKS. I had to leave earlier than i wanted to. i feel so sick, i have gallstones and it's making me nauseated. yucko. I miss my mom. Anyways, g2g, going to the store soon. <3,








-a very yuck-tastic molliebear