you've got everybody fooled

im feeling depressed and i dunno why. i wish i could just get over this crap. Having more nightmares and yucky body memories. i just want to cry but the tears will not come. i miss my mom even though i saw her less than an hour ago. Child parts all freaked out and whatnot. ugh. i hate being DID/PTSD. it isnt fair. why why why. i hate it. i might need to cut tonight, i dunno. we are so confused about how we feel about work. Part of the time we feel happy to get out of the house and other times i just want to sleep forever. i wish i could OD (not the kind where you die), the way that you just sleep it off for however many hours. but i cant. "J" just used my food and thought it was hers. i must pick my battles tho'. ugh. i dunno what to do, i miss my dawn and i feel scared without her. samula is not answering my e-mails :( I miss her dearly too! Well, i figure i'll just cut and go to bed and hope that's good enough. i hate not being able to cut on my arms b/c of work. it is easier to make em' deeper and whatnot. off i go, <3,





-molliebear