i hate everything about me

ugh. serious ED troubles. i hate it. why cant i eat and be thin at the same time?? trying so hard not to purge. yuck yuck. i dropped my only college class. im such a loser. i want to cut. parts still have little SU plans that i (and teen/adult) [parts] have to fight. i feel awful because I couldn't meet up with Shauna while she was in MD, i feel like such a crappy friend. I dunno what to do with myself. i work tomorrow. which means hearing "when are you due?" or "when's your little one coming?" all day. i want a button that says "I'm not pregnant, Thanks!". blah blah blah. i hate everything about me. i have a "crush" on two guys and one girl. I have no chance with *any* of them so what's the freaking point? if i hate myself how can i expect others to love me or even like me?? who'd want to love a fat slob anyhow? must restrict, the treadmill at wal-mart was on sale for 250$, i want it. *frown* i think my mom wouldn't think it was a wise investment. I dunno if I could even assemble it anyhow. blah blah blah. feeling like shit sucks. <3,



-molliebear