so now i feel kinda sad and nostalgic, i ache inside for something I don't know what. human contact? human love? logic about the world? i dont know. im just skating on thin ice here with the way things are going. I'm 2 seconds away from cutting and just purging all the evil out of me. i dont know what to do, i feel like im dying inside. it hurts. cutting looks so good right now, so desirable and stress relieving. the blade against my skin. it's been 4-5 months since i've cut, why ruin it? - it will make me feel alive -i will know im alive - it will let the evil out of me -it feels good -i deserve it -im worthless so who cares anyway -it's the only thing that works (besides b/p). That's why. i need a good cry but the tears don't come. i guess it's the whole being numb thing. i dont know what to do. my birthday is coming up on the 18th and im not even excited. 20 years old. i feel old. im so anxious too...ugh. i feel sick inside. when will it all end? <3,




-molliebear (am i even here?)