So I'm here at my mom's... it's kinda uncomfortable. I feel weird and out of place here. I feel sick to my stomach because I'm anxious about this crappy situation I'm in with a friend. This friend sent me a cell phone that they paid for for me and I went over with my minutes twice. I didn't mean to do it and it makes me feel like a complete idiot because I can't even keep an eye on minutes or figure out how to spare use of the phone during the day. Now this friend is mad at me and thinks I lied to them when I'm just a fucking retard and didn't recognize a friend's number that I don't really ever call. I hate ruining friendships or damaging them. I know it sounds melodramatic but I feel like I should punish myself for being such an idiot. I know that if I did anything though it would just piss this friend off. I'm trying so hard to pull the pieces of my life together and I'm failing. I'm tired of failing at everything I try. It's exhausting. They still don't know why I'm passing out. They say it's psychological which is AKA for "it's all in your head". I dunno about that, a pulse of 164 is not normal for a person my age that wasn't being active at the time. I just hate this spot I've fallen into. I feel like I don't deserve anything good because things in my life have gone so crappy. I feel eternally doomed to this kind of miserable life. I hate being homeless. People have no idea how anxiety producing it is. Ugh, anyways.. i must go, I have to figure out how to shower without getting my bandage wet. :(