Getting Nowhere

So I haven't written here in a while. a lot has gone on. I'm on my way to sheppard pratt again. I was just there in September and that makes me feel guilty about going back again. I'm sick, though I haven't had a "virus" or commmon sickness in a long time. I have a sore throat,ear aches,shakiness, and im sore in general. I was at Frederick Memorial Hospital from last wednesday (Dec. 31st) till Sunday (January 4th) because I kept passing out. I was orthostatic, when I stood up I went into Tachycardia (not good). So I got more fluids and was D/C'd. I was walking outside to wait on a bench for the cab and i passed out and whacked my head on the concrete. Somebody got nurses (one of them actually saw me fall) and they put me on a stretcher and took me to red zone (the highest level of care needed). My doctor from last admission was still there and he said they had to admit me b/c they couldn't let me go home and pass out. So then upstairs they tested for everything! They did EKG's, had a constant heart monitor on me, checked my blood sugar every two hours, did an EEG, did an echo of my heart, checked for infection, checked different levels in my blood (they stuck me 12 times for blood), had constant fluids on me for quite a while, MRI'd my head and neck, I had a head CT 3 times because I kept falling and hitting it on the floor... and they couldn't figure out why i was passing out. So they refer me to see my psychiatrist and regular doctor and discharge me. I pass out here at the crisis house... I see my regular doctor and he decides it's chronic dehydration (with a ? mark after the diagnosis he wrote on the paper). So now I'm on sodium chloride tabs (salt) and potassium supplements. For some reason my potassium gets low, who knows why. Anyways, I've been restricting lately, i eat dinner (by obligation here), but small portions and occasionally would purge but ive put that on hiatus for now because I dont want my passes (we have to put in passes to go out anywhere here) ruined from passing out. I self injured yesterday. Things are just going really slow for me, i just want to be there and be safe and get help because im tired of living this way. I can't seem to get the words out right here, and it's frustrating me. But I can't write anymore, my battery on my laptop is dying and there are no outlets around here. <3,

-molliebear