im having a shitty night. no one knew where my mom was for like, 5 hours and i was freaking out. i let it all go and just bawled at the stupid family night at way station. "AH"'s mom comforted me and held me. I want my mom to do that but she doesn't. We always have to pretend everything's okay and it's just too hard to fake that. I feel like a pain in the ass to my staff. i hurt today. there was someone who talked about reconnecting with their dad and it just bothered me. i want a hug, but i dont want it from my mom right now. im angry that she scared me like that. she didn't make it to family night at all. i know it was a stupid thing but she missed it and it hurts me. i wish i had friends. i dont. i really dont. i feel so damn lonely. i want to cut tonight, i want to see muscle. i feel like crap. i want somewhere to escape. i want out of TAY so much but want to stay at the same time. i feel like such a baby for crying like this and being upset. i feel weak and helpless. I feel angry at my mom because this is a constant pattern and it won't be the end of it now. <3,




-molliebear