we are screaming in silence

feeling a little sick. shoulder still hurts. im feeling melancholy. i dunno why. i just feel sad. i miss talking to dawn and i wonder what sam's doing and whatnot. i wish she would check her e-mail. i just feel hopeless right now. im not doing much in life to really make any important impact. im a waste of space. now im crying. not a good cry, the holding inside-restricted cry. i miss having a father figure in my life. i know mine is not fit to fill that role, but i feel the abscence. i just feel su right now. i want to cut but i dont think that will even help right now. i want to be held, to be told it will be okay. no one did this as i was a child so i figure why would they now? my mom acknowledged my parts today. that was a good step forward. off to do who knows what to maybe feel human. <3,




-molliebear